Diet Potion

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: ‘Do you have a potion for weight loss?’

Hi. My name’s Hannah. I need your help.

I heard about your potions while searching the internet for a miracle. You can make people more attractive, confident, smarter, stronger… can you make them thinner?

I’m so tired. I don’t care what the side effects are. I just want to stop hating what I see in the mirror. I want the other girls in the changing room to stop mocking me. I want guys to stop making oinking sounds when I pass by. Please. Can you help me?

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Do you have a potion for weight loss?’

Whoa boy.

I’m gonna be honest. It’s not very often I get a request. People come to me for a product that already exists. So this is new.

Although I can absolutely see the need in the world. I get it. I’m not exactly a skinny guy myself and people got on me about it too. I kinda got over it? I don’t really give a shit about what people think of me, is all. But while I write this, I’m already concocting ingredients that may result in weight loss… so sure! You know what, I’ll even give you a discount. What do you think will be the best way to take it, other than the typical liquid form?

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Do you have a potion for weight loss?’

Thank you! Thank you so much! I’ll pay whatever you want. If it actually helps me lose weight at least. I know you usually run refunds if the results don’t pan out. As for the alternate form? I guess a pill would be more convenient. I’ll be your guinea pig if you need one. Again, thank you thank you so much!

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: ‘Did you get it?’

I sent it in the mail about a week ago. My package tracker says it should be there today?

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Did you get it?’

I found it on the porch when I got home from school! I told my mom it’s another thing for dieting. She looks proud. I’ve tried a dozen products, none have worked, but mom really wants me to lose some weight you know? She’s pretty thin herself.

I’ve already taken the pill and the allotted dose for the ‘potion’. The pill dissolves, I didn’t expect that, the potion has a REALLY bad after taste though. I mean, I heard that’s a problem in a lot of your products, but bleck. It feels my throat is covered in ashes.

How will it work?

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Did you get it?’

Ah. Parents. Now that I absolutely get. All the pressure to fit their standards. Never quite reached my parents’. Don’t feel bad if you don’t reach your mom’s.

It should work as an appetite suppressor. You just won’t feel hungry. If you don’t feel hungry, you won’t eat. Pretty straight forward, right? If you get good results, maybe I’ll even consider using it. I still got a bit of pudge.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Did you get it?’

Ah, yeah, I’ve had a few of those before. They never curbed the craving for ice cream though. I love ice cream. <3

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘Did you get it?’

I do too. Maybe if I’m ever in town, I’ll take you for ice cream. When you feel better about your weight, of course.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: ‘I’ve lost five pounds!’

It’s not much, I know, but it’s a start! This actually works? Like I legitly don’t feel hungry. I’m cutting back on my portions. And I’m slimming down. I’m so happy. Thankyouthankyou so much Gus. I owe you so much.

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: ‘I’ve lost five pounds!’

Eh, no problem! It’s why I’m here I think, to make people’s lives better. So…. No side effects?

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Re: I’ve lost five pounds!

Um… not really, no. Nothing comes to mind?

Wait, no, there’s one side effect.

I feel better about myself 😉

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: I’ve lost five pounds!

Don’t scare me like that, oh my god. Seriously. You’ve probably heard some crazy shit about what can happen with my products. It’s not true. It’s some writer trying to profit from scaremongering. I swear when I find the bitch I’m gonna sue for defamation.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Re: I’ve lost five pounds!

Eh, I didn’t look that far. I just saw you as a miracle worker. K I’m gonna go reorganize my bottle cap collection, for some reason I’m interested in collecting them again. Message you when there’s more results!

To: HannahLouise98@gmail.com

Subject: Re: I’ve lost five pounds!

… Huh.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Side Effects

I’ve not been this light since freshman year. I still could shed maybe another five? No more though. I’m done with the treatment for now. I actually feel better. Although I do have some side effects to report.

1.      Dry skin/skin sensitivity. Sensitivity to light in particular, I’m turning into sunglasses indoors girl :P. Not a good look.

2.      Obsessive collecting. Like I’ve never been CRAZY about my bottlecaps, ya know? I love them, don’t get me wrong. But now it’s like I can’t get enough. Not to mention I’m just collecting anything I can, broken jewelry, spare change, the more shiny the better. I must have spent an hour and almost a quarter of my savings buying stones and crystals at the nearby bookstore.

It’s okay though. Just more lotion and it’ll take care of the skin thing.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: ???

Where are you? You’ve not responded in a week. And I’m having an issue now, I want your help.

My appetite isn’t back yet. I’ve not taken the pills or the drink, but I still feel no desire to eat anything. I’m making myself eat celery sticks and peanut butter but yesterday I couldn’t keep it down. Today’s the same. I can drink Gatorade, but that’s like the only reason I’m not dehydrated yet. I’m a little scared. Please respond.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: I did something so gross what’s going on

I ate roadkill.

I’m still trying to scrub the bits of fur from my teeth. I don’t know what happened, I was just walking home from school collecting pieces of broken glass to add to the collection when I stumbled across the dead squirrel. Before I knew it I was chewing through its rotting corpse. I felt a maggot burst in my teeth. And even then I still kept eating.

I’m not mad at you, you didn’t mean to do this to me. I just want your help to fix it. Please. I’m begging you.

To: guskatsoros.ii@gmail.com

Subject: Insomnia

Please do not give this to any more girls. No matter what.

I’m strictly nocturnal now. I’m hoping the school doesn’t call my mom asking where the hell I’ve been. I’ve been wearing oversized sweaters and hoodies in hopes she doesn’t notice how much weight I’ve lost. It’s not normal. It’s not human. I can count my ribs, I’ve never been able to do that before. My fingers are like bones. My eyes are sunken and hollow, my mom’s going to notice sooner or later.

At night I go out walking, and I find dead animals on the side of the road, and I always eat them. It’s so good. It’s satisfying. It’s better than a gourmet buffet. When I found a deer two nights ago I pigged out so much my stomach began to bulge. It felt orgasmic.

I’m feeling hungry again though.

And there’s going to be a service tomorrow at the nearby funeral home and I just KNOW there’s going to be a dead body in there tonight.

Help me. Please. Help me.