This is so not worth the hundred bucks I’m getting paid to do this. I hate you Gus. I fucking hate you. Now for the serious part of this ‘scientific’ journal.
My name is Brian Vance. I’m seventeen years old and a junior in high school. I’m a virgin (is this really necessary Gus) and I’ve never been on a date in my life. The closest I got to a date was to asking my eighth grade crush on a date. She said yes, but stood me up. Who’s surprised?
Gus Katsoros is the ‘scientist’ who concocted the ‘Love Potion’. It comes in a cologne and drinkable form, supposedly helps you secrete natural pheromones to attract the opposite sex. I am one of three guys using both the cologne and the drink. I will be using the cologne and drinking one ounce of the Love Potion before I go to school, and at night will be drinking another ounce of the Love Potion before I go to bed. I’ll be doing that, now.
Ugh! Gus. If you’re going to label something a ‘Love Potion’, don’t make it taste like mud. For the final product, for the love of god, add some honey or sugar. Hell, high fructose corn syrup, whatever gets the job done! Just don’t. Make it taste like dirt. The cologne ain’t so bad though. Smells like it tastes, which it makes a much better scent than taste. Off to school.
Well, nothing happened. Who’s fucking SHOCKED. I will keep seriously journaling but if you have to read every one of these Gus I’m going to make sure I bitch the whole time. Yes you heard me. The. Whole. Time.
Anyway, to the serious part. There seemed to be no ‘pheromones’ excreting from me. The most female attention I got was from the eighty nine year old half blind algebra teacher, who complimented my cologne. Ms. Valentine ain’t so bad though. She’s just… so old. So old.
That was it though. I’ll take my dose tonight and go to bed. Ugh. Still tastes just as bad the first time.
Least I’m not allergic to this stuff. Although that could have gotten me out of the experiment sooner…
Nothing seems to be wrong, I don’t feel sick or dizzy from two doses of the Love Potion. I’ll now spritz my wrists, toss the mud potion, sorry, love potion, down the hatch and get going.
Oops. Spritzed it one time too many. According to the experiment I should’ve used one spritz on both wrists, but I accidentally spritzed my left wrist twice. Oh well. Now I’ll just smell even more like dirt.
I’m journaling earlier today because I think something actually worked this time! I mean. Nothing major. But something that probably you should know about, Gus.
So I chilling near the music room, don’t ask why I’m not in band, when Gretchen came up to me. We’d been friends when we were in elementary school, but grew apart when we got older. She plays tuba, isn’t exactly popular but she has pretty eyes. Anyway I’m off topic.
She came up to me and asked how my day was going! I was so stunned I nearly fell over. But we got to talking, and she really seemed interested in being around me. It wasn’t like we made out in the library or anything, but she kept reaching for my hand. It wasn’t much, but when she hurried off to her next class, I remembered something.
Gretchen kept grabbing for my left wrist. The one I spritzed twice. Gus, I’m gonna fuck with your experiment a tad and do two spritzes on each wrist from now on. If I run out, that’s your own damn fault for not having extra. I’m gonna go for a jog now. If I’m gonna become a pussy magnet, might as well work out!
Thankfully I won’t have to journal every day now. Just days with improvement.
Gus was kind and understanding, so he gave me more of the cologne to make up for me needing a higher dose. The other two guys were keeping at the same rate so it wasn’t a big deal.
There is absolutely an improvement. Like girls actually look when I pass by now! I mean, Gretchen and a few other girls are the only ones who bother to talk to me but I’m taking what I can get. Gretchen and I have really reconnected, I’m thinking about asking her on a date. She’s nice. It’s not like I was out to bone the popular girls anyway.
Maybe it’s due to the upwards swoop of my self esteem, but I’m going out to jog more. Luckily there’s a nice forest near my house, lots of jogging paths. No one to stare at the skinny, sweaty guy either.
Spritzed up, took my drink, I’m out!
I just had seeexxx, and it felt so goooood… at least oral sex.
I feel a little guilty though. It wasn’t with Gretchen. It was with Myra. She’s also in the band, she’s second clarinet, and we’d gotten friendly lately, but when she asked me go out for sodas I figured what the heck and said yes.
After the soda, she took me back to her house and she gave me a blowjob in her childhood treehouse.
I mean, other than the splinters I’m still picking out of my ass, it was great. Lasted absolutely no more than five minutes for me, but it was the best damn five minutes of my life so far. After I’d finished, she was ready to get going to her afternoon job but I kinda wanted to return the favor. I mean. It took a lot longer than five minutes for her, as I had noooo idea what I was doing, but I got the job done! Points for me! Probably made her late to her job though.
Honestly, there has been no downsides yet. I doubt there ever will be. I’m gonna be this new school’s lady killer. And yes. I’ll absolutely endorse Love Potion, Gus. Your smug ass will cash in with this.
You still gotta change the taste though man. It’s awful.
Okay, prolonged use might have a side effect.
I’m getting the nastiest rash on my head. It’s covered by my hairline, which by the way my hair’s gotten thicker and I’m finally growing facial hair, but it’s very uncomfortable. I had my mom look at it and she says it looks like it’s irritated. It’s weird, since I’ve only been drinking and using it on my wrists, but maybe I rubbed my head in my sleep. Mom put something on it to ease the itching but I hope it doesn’t spread. Magic love potion or not no one’s gonna wanna kiss a face covered in bumpy rash. At least it’s not covered in pimples anymore. Another side effect, my acne’s cleared up!
Still though, me and Myra have really hit it off. It’s nothing serious, we chill in her room and wait for her dad to go out before we go at it like bunnies. I’m honestly petrified of accidentally knocking her up so I bought condoms. Thank god for self-checkout. It’s so much fun. I’m having the time of my life with her.
If Gretchen’s noticed, she doesn’t care. We still chill near the music room together. I’ve grown to appreciate the music room now, I’m even picking up guitar lessons. Girls think music is hot, and having another way to attract them didn’t hurt anybody. Gretchen’s even giving me tips on how to read sheet music as I just like to strum away at what sounds nice, although she usually shuts up when I pluck the right notes- just goes all dozy on my shoulder. It’s weird, but hey, whatever.
Gotta go into class now, ugh.
This rash is killing me. Still, I promised thirty straight days with this stuff. And thirty days is what I’m gonna give it. Unless I have an asthma attack or something bullshit like that. Then I don’t have to give back the money I’ve already blown on video games and snacks.
I would’ve been back sooner, but after I left Myra’s house I went for a jog. A really long jog. Through the woods. It just felt so right. I lost complete track of time but I wasn’t the only one out there. I got a glimpse of Carlos running past. I think he’s one of the kids in the two ounce drink test group. I didn’t try to start up a conversation, he was clearly a man on a mission.
When I’m out there, my head doesn’t itch either. Maybe it’s from something else.
Okay. Body hair. That’s not that new.
Chest hair is though. And I think I’m starting to grow a carpet on my legs. I was pretty fair haired on the rest of my body before this whole thing started. Now I’m turning into Esau from Sunday School, the guy so hairy his brother could wear goat skin on his arms and trick his mostly blind dad into thinking it was his older son. I’m tempted to shave.
Also my feet are starting to rash too, and they keep getting that ‘falling asleep sensation’, like there’s static under your skin. It’s uncomfortable to wear shoes. I’ll go to school today but if it gets worse I might take a break. From school, anyway.
My mom’s went out out tonight so Myra came over here instead… and by came, I mean literally came. We had a blast. She doesn’t seem to mind the hair either even if it has come in a little fast. She keeps threatening to wax it though. No way in hell.
She also brought up a threesome, with me and Gretchen. Oh yeah, they both know I’m sleeping with her. Apparently Myra’s been impressed with what she’s taught me in the few days I’ve boned her. A few more ‘lessons’ and she’ll let me loose with Gretchen.
This is insane.
Almost too insane.
I’m a little overwhelmed. I might cut out of this project early and somehow pay you back later Gus. I don’t know how I feel about all this female attention. It’s a lot to take in. Also I don’t fancy being mistaken for Bigfoot’s little brother Smallfeet when I walk into school and I’m just that hairy.
I didn’t think about journaling this morning but I am now. I think something’s going wrong.
When I went into the bathroom, I got a glimpse in the mirror of where the rash on my head was and I saw something. I took a better look, felt around, and it looks like two giant ass warts are starting to sprout. I hate warts.
But I also hate the idea of losing my feet a lot more.
One of the guys that picked on me since freshman year, Barry, stomped on my right foot. Right on the toes. Normally this would send me howling in pain while he would laugh his ass off.
Nothing. I felt nothing. And he jumped on it, full force. I felt something crack, but I didn’t feel it. I ran into the bathroom again and took off my shoe.
I can’t move the toes on my right foot. The skin’s gone gray with blotches of purple. And my left foot’s growing pretty stiff too. I’m pretty sure Barry broke my toes given how crooked they are but they’re so cold. I’m freaked the fuck out.
But also really nervous to tell my mom this might be because I’m taking a chemical to help me get laid. I would be absolutely grounded. So grounded. And of course, I’d veto my hundred dollars, which like I said- already long spent.
I’ll probably skip school until my feet stop dying. Also reduce how much of the drink I’m taking. Half ounce only.
Barry came to my house, demanding to know what was up. He looked scared shitless.
Guess who else was in the experiment and didn’t tell anyone? That’s right. Half the jocks on the football team. Gus isn’t popular but he’s a great salesman. Once the Love Potion started to turn shit around for me and the other guys, Gus got to selling. Guys were handing over so much cash for a chance to get more pussy.
But Barry wasn’t attracting pussy. He was attracting dick.
Should’ve seen that one coming a mile away, the hyper masculine asshole turning out to be gay. Didn’t bother me, we all got our quirks. But that’s the thing, Gus promised that the drug would attract the opposite sex. A specific set of hormones probably wouldn’t work on the same sex, he figured. He was not THAT stupid.
And apparently I was one of Gus’ ‘success stories’.
Barry demanded to know what else was going on with me, or he’d crush me like a bug. So I coughed it up in self-preservation. My feet. My head. The rashes. The urge to jog in the forest every night and the inclination to be near music. And guess what, Barry didn’t freak out on me. He admitted to the same damn thing. Also the fact he was a tone deaf and now could sing bass like a star.
Barry’s thrown out all his shit in the toilet and scrubbed his neck so hard he’s taken skin off. Apparently that’s where he put on the cologne. I let him take the couch, texted mom telling her that he was a friend that came over for some help. Mom’s a sweetheart. She’ll understand.
This isn’t right. I’m stopping taking whatever’s been given me now, it’s gone down the toilet with Barry’s supply. Fuck you Gus. Fuck you so much.
I think it was too late for us.
Barry’s got the rash now, despite insisting he’s stopped everything. Everything he had of Love Potion, not even a spritz of the cologne. He keeps complaining of the itching.
Oh. And half my fucking foot fell off.
I was in the bathroom, meeting up with Barry (nothing gay, he just wanted to talk) and I leaned too much on one side apparently. We both heard a snap and suddenly I had no more balance. I fell to the floor.
I ripped off my shoe and the front of my foot fell out. It had turned entirely dark purple and felt like dry clay. Barry screamed like a girl and threw up in the sink. My foot reeks, at least what’s left of it. But I’m more concerned that I think I have hooves now.
Yeah. You heard me Gus. HOOVES. The bone that led to my ankle is all wrong shaped, split in two and is turning a coppery brown. The flesh around my heel is already peeling away and I feel sick just looking at it. Judging by the condition of the other foot, it’s gonna go real quick here too.
I claimed I threw up and went home. Barry actually followed me, wonder if he’s got some sort of crush on me. He’s probably too grossed out to try anything though. Seeing half a man’s foot just fall off probably kills the mood.
I don’t know what to do. I still have the half of my foot, I’m keeping it in my dresser. Still trying to find you, Gus, but apparently you’ve faded off the face of the earth. Barry’s vowed to tear your head off the moment he gets his hand on you.
Meanwhile, I think I just figured out what the things on my head are.
Horns. I’m growing horns.
Barry refuses to leave my house. He’s scared. I’ve played hooky since the last entry, staying home and playing video games. I’m super hairy now, a walking carpet is an understatement. I’m only bothering to shave my face, going after the rest of the mess is just too much.
Okay. I wasn’t gonna put this down because I thought it was just my imagination, but… my penis is bigger. By at least three inches. No I’m not kidding Gus. Normally I’d think this was a great addition to my bod. But no. It’s not. It’s fucking not.
My other foot’s gone and I’m having to relearn my center of balance. It’s not as hard as I thought it was gonna be. It’s rough though. I keep falling over and I think my mom’s catching on that something’s not right with me. Especially with the hopskip way I keep walking.
I think the horns are ready to split free. I feel them now, they’re bony nubs that are giving me the worst migraines. The only thing that soothes my pain is playing my guitar and hearing Barry sing. Because damn that boy can sing.
I love music. But it’s of little comfort now.
I ran away from home.
Gretchen came to check on me. (Myra hasn’t so much as sent a text by the way.) She knew I’d been missing classes, and when I didn’t answer the door, she got worried and entered the house.
She found me at the worst time possible. When my horns were finishing their development. I was trying to get to the bathroom to get some more painkillers when the most excruciating pain I’d ever felt in my life filled my entire head. I screamed and hit the floor, curling up into a little ball. I hadn’t even gotten fully dressed yet, a shag carpet with hooves and slowly sprouting horns.
I woke up to Gretchen screaming at the sight of me. I slowly sat up and when she saw my face she realized it was me.
Her face went white. She looked like she didn’t know what to be more shocked about. The fact that there was a man with horns and a small furry tail, or the fact that it was me, right there. Sitting in front of her. More animal than man.
I tried to talk to her. Tried to reach for her. But when she ran from the house, I couldn’t just let her go.
So she’s with me and Barry now.
We stole my mom’s car, I took all the money from her bank account that I could, and we’re driving now. Just driving. Gretchen’s tied up in the backseat, Barry’s keeping her still.
I don’t know what to do anymore. But I need Gretchen. Need her. I can’t explain why either. Maybe I’ll know when I get to our destination.
This would’ve been the final day of the test.
I’m done transforming. Barry’s about through the final stretch himself, it’s just the horns left. All the others managed to catch up to us. We’re hiding out in one of the national parks, not telling you which. All in various stages of development. Gus really went all out, hitting every clique he could before pulling his disappearing act.
We’re freaks now. All of us. They’re gonna look for us, but they won’t find us. Or they’ll wish they hadn’t. We have powers now. With our instruments and voices, we can hypnotize anyone to our bidding. Least it means we don’t have to tie up Gretchen now. She’s staying here whether she likes it or not.
For now, we wait. For the hype to die down. For people to forget the missing teenagers from our highschool.
I don’t think you knew this would happen to us. But I really don’t care. I’m sending this journal to your last known address, Gus. You can run, but you can’t hide. We’ll find you.
We just want to give you a head’s start knowing what we’ll do to you once we get our hands on you.