> Subject: ‘Husband Is A Cheating B******!!!’
I cannot BELIEVE my husband. We have been married for twenty years. That’s right. Twenty years. Twenty years of me keeping our home clean, taking care of our kids, and planning every anniversary date. I never complained. I was happy with our life, with what we had.
Apparently Robert wasn’t. I come home early because the gym was closed and I find him plowing into this twenty year old blonde hussy on our couch! Our couch! We picked that couch out after we got married! And he was fucking someone else on it!
Well I threw her ass outside, barely gave her enough time to get her clothes on before I turned my rage on my husband. He’s sleeping on the couch tonight. He’s lucky he’s not on the curb with her.
When did I stop being enough, ladies? I stepped on the scale last week and I’m up seven pounds. I blame the holiday overeating. We all do it. I’m saggy, I barely have the energy for sex anymore. Not like he’s been interested in it lately, and I think I can guess why. I feel lost.
Reminder that harsh language isn’t acceptable on the forum, but I’ll absolutely let it slide this time. Pour yourself a glass of red wine and get a tub of ice cream, I’d come over if I wasn’t across the country. It’s going to be okay. You never stopped being enough for him, he stopped being enough for you honey. <3
Time to have a niiiice chat with the lawyers. Listen, Bella, men are superficial pigs. Once you hit forty, they start looking at the ‘new models’. This isn’t something you forgive and forget. It was rough but I had to do it too. He cheated on me so. Many. Times. Sometimes you just gotta realize once they start, they don’t change. Forget about winning him back. He isn’t worth it.
I would, honestly Addie. But I have the kids to think about. The oldest is sixteen, my littlest is eight… I can’t put them through that. You know how badly it screwed me up when my parents divorced? All the fighting, all the moving from house to house, all the pettiness. It was just a giant war and I couldn’t do that to my own kids.
If anyone has a good idea to make me look twenty again, I’ll take it. Anything but plastic surgery. I can’t afford that.
Lol. When you find that method, tell me. He hasn’t done it yet, but my husband’s getting a little too ‘friendly’ with the neighbor’s nineteen year old daughter. For christ’s sake. She’s young enough to be his kid.
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>Subject: ‘Been wanting to shed ten years off? I can make it twenty.’
Hello, ladies. 🙂 My name is Gus. And I’m here to make you the deal of a lifetime.
I might seem like your average high school graduate, but I’m also a young entrepreneur. I’ve come up with several blends of herbs and plants from the home country of my parents’ parents to create several different products with mind blowing possibilities. My products can make you more attractive to the opposite sex, boost your confidence, but today I’m here to tell you about my newest invention- The Fountain of Youth collection.
Plastic surgery ain’t worth it. Sooner or later you’re gonna have to go back to the knife, and then back again, and you’re honestly screwed if it’s botched. Thousands of dollars all down the tube and you’ll look like melted plastic. However, nature has already created the answer. In the form of a cream and drink, I guarantee you in a WEEK you’ll be seeing phenomenal results. You’ll not only look younger either. You’ll feel younger. Your husbands won’t be looking at the other ladies anymore- they’ll be wondering how they’re worthy to kiss the feet of the goddess they live with!
I’m here to offer a free three day trial. That’s all. In those three days you will look, at minimum, five. Years. Younger. A seven day course of the drink and the cream is 35.99, but in those seven days, you will look ten years younger! A fourteen day course will have you looking like a college student again. Send me proof of the Fountain of Youth NOT working and you will get double your money back. That’s right. That’s how confident I am.
Contact me at email@example.com for more information.
I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how many rules you’re breaking just by being on this forum.
1. This is a forum for women, particularly middle aged women who are usually married or have children. Transgender women are allowed. Young women seeking out advice from their elders are allowed. Men and boys are not allowed. This is our space. Find your own, it won’t be that hard.
2. Advertising is forbidden. We do allow you to promote books, an etsy, and other forums in this section, but explicitly selling products is banned.
3. False advertising, do I even need to go into this here? Offering false promises to make fast cash is low.
You’re lucky I’m on mobile right now, otherwise I’d be freezing this thread and banning you. If I get back to my computer tonight and you haven’t gone though, I’m absolutely going to do that. This is unacceptable.
What the HECK. Oh man I laughed so hard I think I ripped the sides of my shirt. Who would seriously BUY this garbage?
… So the first three days are free?
Constance, no. Don’t even entertain this troll… I think that’s what the internet calls them. He’s just trying to mess with us.
My husband left me for a women who’s twenty three. You’re going through the same thing or will soon, don’t tell me you’re not tempted!
I’m not crazy and I’m not stupid. No cream or smoothie is going to smooth my wrinkles and take away the body of a woman who’s given birth to four kids. Nice try Gus.
What do you have to lose by trying though?
Back to my computer and wow, seriously? You’re not gone? Freezing this post, banning your account. Goodbye, and good riddance.
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>Subject: ‘So I Bought the Fountain of Youth…’
I know, I know I’m crazy. I’m so tired though. I’ve never been sexy my whole life, and I’m not exactly aging like a fine wine. So I contacted that kid through his email and got more details. We exchanged like a dozen messages and well, he seemed sincere in his project. So I’m doing the week long treatment.
I wouldn’t have brought it up if it never arrived, but it did? In really good timing too. I’m a little impressed. The box is nice, the containers for the cream and the drink look really nifty too. I’ll attach images to the end of this post to show them off.
The cream is put on before bed, and you take the drink at morning and night. I’ll be posting about it here. Maybe it’s crazy, but like he said. What do I have to lose?
Constance… I got the free trial. I’m sorry for being a bit of a bitch. I really don’t have anything to lose, I’m so tired of wondering what my husband’s up to whenever he goes out, and if he’ll just take off with some whore who likes his stupid cars.
We’ll do it together, ok? Just to see if it affects different skin types.
If only I could record my incredibly loud sigh at this moment. You know what, I won’t tell you to stop, but I will judge you. Especially you Constance. You paid money for some kid’s science experiment or hoax. But hey, do what you want. Its your cash.
Oh for god’s sake! I banned you already! Just wait until I get back to my computer.
I just wanna see the results. 🙁
My first impression isn’t that good Gus, I’m sorry. The cream smells really metallic and its pink tinge makes me look drunk. It’s making my face tingle quite a bit but at least it doesn’t burn. I don’t know if I can leave it on all night though, it smells awful.
The drink’s worse. Oh god, I might hurl. It tastes like a nosebleed. Literally like a nosebleed. I don’t care how old you are, I’m SUING if I get sick.
You’ll get a refund if it doesn’t work, Constance, but not much I can do for you Bella. It’s a free sample. :/
How many times do I have to BAN you?
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>Subject: ‘Holy Crap.’
I take it back. I’m not going to sue you Gus Katsoros.
I’m going to nominate you for the Nobel Prize.
I’m stunned. It really did take five years off! The wrinkles are already smoothing out. I feel more energetic in the morning. I think I’ve even dropped a pound? I’m buying two more weeks of the product, hands. Down. Constance, get another week for yourself, and then go out on the town in a little black dress. If this kid’s promise is half true, you’ll have your husband regretting every moment of his life without you.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I made another account to thank YOU, Bella! 😀 It’s nice to know I’m making someone else’s life better.
… Wait. It worked?
See for yourself. 😉
Holy… okay Gus, I’m gonna have to ban you again, I’m sorry, I can’t make exceptions to the male rule, but sign me up for a two week treatment.
It’s cool. I’m basically making a new account every time I post anyway.
_ _ _
>Subject: ‘The Fountain of Youth WORKS!!!!’
I’m crying. One week done and I really have taken off ten years. Weight, wrinkles, I feel like even my bone structure has changed! Pardon my language Deanna, but my ass looks like one of those Kardashian’s. Shut up and take my money, Gus, that’s what the kids say nowadays right?
I’m going out tonight with a twenty nine year old. He has NO idea I’m so much older than him. He runs his own company and when he sent me a message through that dating profile I made, he said I looked like the Queen of Heaven.
Thank you, Gus! Thank you! Ladies, you HAVE to invest in the Fountain of Youth!
I couldn’t agree more. My husband can’t leave me ALONE. He even, get this, brought me to a dinner with his friends and their wives. He’s showing me off like he used to when we were young.
My self-esteem has never been higher!
Unfortunately though Gus, I don’t only have praise for you though. I seem to have developed some skin sensitivity since starting the Fountain of Youth. I thought it was just some leftover pigment from the cream at first, but I’ve gotten a sunburn. Not a serious one, mind you, but I only spent maybe fifteen, thirty minutes outside? Definitely not more than an hour. I think I’ll go off the cream and give the rest to some of my girlfriends at work.
No, it’s not just you, Bella. I had to do some gardening yesterday and I have a WICKED sunburn.
I think it is definitely the cream. I’ve never had a sunburn in my life, but my skin hurts so badly right now. Only when I go outside though. Other than that, it’s fine. Better go back to the drawing board kid. Come up with something that doesn’t give you sunburns. I’m gonna stop the treatment for now, I already look younger and I don’t feel like making my husband look like a sugar daddy, if you know what I mean.
Skin irritation? Damn. I thought it wasn’t going to happen this time.
I’m so, so sorry ladies. If any of you want a refund, I’ll absolutely deliver. I advise definitely stopping the cream if you’re really bothered. Again, I’m really sorry. I guess it’s just back to the drawing board again.
Also sorry for the late notice but I’m going out of town. Dunno when I’ll have internet again. I’ll start filling out orders once I’m back, I promise. Hope that all you who ordered got what you wanted, and thanks for your support.
I haven’t even had time to ban accounts eight and nine and you’ve already made ten. It’s fine, I got what I paid for. I haven’t felt this good in ages. Minus the skin pain of course. It’ll go away soon now that I won’t be using the cream anymore.
_ _ _
K I’m a little… concerned. After I started getting sunburns like the rest of you I threw the rest of my stuff in the drawer. I already looked thirty when I’m forty one so what’s the point?
The point is I wake up this morning and I look almost exactly like I did when I was twenty five.
I swear to GOD I haven’t even taken the drink. Heck I look better than I did when I was twenty five! I was trying to shed pregnancy weight then. Now my stretch marks are gone and I’m shaped like Marilyn Monroe. The sunburns have only gotten worse too. I’m taking a few sick days from because of how much light HURTS. Five minutes outside and I’m in bed for hours puking into the trashcan and in agonizing pain.
Is this just the stuff working its way out of my system? Because I’m not onboard with this shit at all.
No, it’s not just you. Jesus Christ, I ended up pitching it when I honestly thought I’d burst into flames after taking the trash out. It’s probably just the stuff working its way out of your system. I’m absolutely taking a few days off. I love how I look, but Christ. It’s just not WORTH it.
I caught my husband using my leftovers. Apparently I’m not the only one who feels uncomfortable with their appearance, who would’ve thought?
I told him about the side effects but he told me how damn GOOD I look. Like I’m his Venus and he wants to be my Mars. It’s kinda attractive, I’m not gonna lie, but I’m a little concerned for him.
Although he did used to be a football player in his college days…
You better tell us if it works on your husband.
Also is anyone else becoming an insomniac?
YES. Holy shit. All day I’m a couch potato. I can barely get out of bed. When the sun goes down though, it’s like someone gave me a straight shot of caffeine. I’ve been going for jogs in an attempt to burn it off, but it’s not working. I can get all the chores done without all the kids underfoot at least but dear God.
I’m tempted to have my husband use it. I mean he wasn’t ever a real LOOKER but that beer belly isn’t exactly my favorite feature of him…
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>Subject: ‘He’s Leaving Me.’
Not even looking like a twenty five year old model is good enough for this jerk.
He’s packing his bags, he tells me he loves ‘Kayla’ more than he EVER loved me, and he had the nerve, the NERVE, to tell me that ‘at least her looks aren’t fake’.
He thinks I’ve ‘faked’ what I look like now.. I’ve lost thirty pounds, my skin is smooth, I’m stronger and have more energy (at least at night) and the only mark on me is the scar on my belly where my youngest son was cut out of me.
And yet the only money I’ve spent is about seventy dollars on the Fountain of Youth. Yeah. Sure. Fuck you too. He’s already told me that he won’t be sending me money, if I have enough for surgery I have enough to care for our kids.
I would be guzzling wine and shoveling down ice cream but to be honest my stomach’s been super touchy lately. I don’t think I’ve kept anything down lately.
I just don’t know what to tell the kids.
Tell him their father abandoned them because he’s a shallow fucker.
Slit his throat and drink his blood.
WHOA, overreaction, Constance! Although it has absolutely crossed my mind to kill the bastard. I’m alone. With four kids. I can’t leave the house during the day without being in agonizing pain.
I swear if I get my hands on him I’m wringing his neck. And that is absolutely the wine talking, apparently my stomach doesn’t mind alcohol.
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>Subject: ‘I Think We Got Played’
My husband ended up taking a higher dose because he thought it wouldn’t affect him as easily, given he’s a bigger man. It just made it kick in faster. A lot faster. He looks exactly like he did in college.
But it’s more than that. Like I said, he used to play football, but quit when a tackle messed up his left knee. It’s fixed. Years of physical therapy, constant exercise, and heavy painkiller use. And it’s fixed within a matter of a week thanks to this ‘Fountain of Youth’.
It’s not stopping. The change isn’t stopping. And it’s not going to stop. I’ve nonstop emailed that stupid goddamn kid. You guys can try, I actually encourage that you to try, but I don’t think he’ll be responding any time soon. I think he realized what was going to happen and BAILED.
Those groups of teens that went missing from two different highschools last year? I dug deeper. At the first school there was a senior named Gus Katsoros. He went missing at the same time as the others. God be with the kids who were this psycho’s first test subjects. God be with me and my family, our canines have fallen out and are being replaced by fangs, the twins must’ve been stealing the rest of the drink. We’re not human anymore.
And God be with Gus as we are all going on the road to find this little creep.
I’ll be joining you. I’ll meet up with you in Wyoming.
I don’t know what I did last night, but I woke up soaked in blood and for the first time in days no longer hungry. Last night’s date is nowhere to be found and he’s not picking up his phone.
This little jerk took advantage of the fact I was insecure and he will pay.
I’ll catch up with you guys.
After I have a little date with my husband…