dnd homebrew – The Odd Cat Lady

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Parties Meet

On the road again. Odra was riding on Garl’s shoulders, Dullahan was mashing up bugs in this lidded cup while rambling onto the disgusted Sylvia about the protein benefits of crickets, and Garl was in a pleasant mood after having a one night stand with a literal goddamn queen. Lucky bastard. Granted, it was probably a bit too kinky for his typical tastes, but you do not miss the chance to bone royalty. Never.

“So, whatcha wanna do when we get home?” Odra asked, propping her arms up on Garl’s head.

“Sleep. Get drunk. Head to Fit For Kings,” Garl said.

Sylvia grimaced. “Gross.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Return a Body, Reap the Rewards

Talice peeked down the cliff where her attackers were.

So her sister had outsourced. She’d never seen the half vampire before, and that wasn’t one of the gargoyles from the Alabasterclaw clan. He was too gray. Unfortunate that they had to find her. She had to take care of them. She wasn’t done with her experiment yet, and like hell they’d take them away from her now, not without a fight.

All it would take would be a well aimed eldritch blast to give her enough time to escape.. There was the gargoyle, the half vampire, the wizard…

Wait. Where was the goblin?

“Boo.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Kingdom of the Hags

They’d made it to the Swamps. It’d been a stressful few days, yet Sahsi wished it would stretch on a little more. It wasn’t easy traveling with this violent group, it was still preferable to what was ahead.

“We’ll head into the Kingdom of the Hags tonight,” she said.

Crowley rested his hand on his mace. “We have to enter at night, then?” he guessed.

“Yeah. During the day, the whole place just looks like another part of the swamp. Part of the disguise. At night though,” Sahsi flicked her fingers, “it transforms back into the Kingdom. It’s going to be dangerous.”

“Are you trying to back out of our deal, hexblood?”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Underdark

The Underdark was nothing like Odra thought. For one thing, it wasn’t as dark as people thought it was, with phosphorous green rocks serving as torches. It cast some very interesting shadows on everyone’s faces.

“You used to live down here?” Odra asked.

“I mean, not in the tunnels- you’ve never been to the Underdark, have you?”

Odra shook her head no.

“You’re gonna love it.”

And the moment the tunnel opened up to the city of Isath Dorei, Odra knew that Garl was right.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Quick March

“All right, company! We have a long distance to go today, and I won’t have any complaints. No sirree, we must reach the Lower Willow Bow, and we will march as long as it takes! Even it takes longer than the day, we will go forth with our heads held high and weapons at the ready! Right, company, forward- march!”

Oh gods, this was going to be a long day. Sahsi groaned and almost fell into marching stance (or what she supposed marching stance was, she really didn’t know) when she realized that literally no one else in the party was falling in position and were just, well… walking. Like a normal party. No one was giving Turgut the time of day, despite all his grumbling about how marching was more efficient use of energy and pacing.

Elphira leaned in close and murmured into Sahsi’s ear, “Just ignore him. We’re take a break for lunch and we’ll stop once it gets too dark to see.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Heatwaves and Zombies

“Gaaaarlll… it’s fucking hot ooouuuut…”

Garl groaned softly but made no attempt to move from his place under the tree or to even open his eyes. Odra rolled across the ground and finally came to a stop in front of the gargoyle.

“How is it so hot? It’s not even midday yet. And I’m gonna burn to death.”

“It’s a heat wave, Odra,” Garl said, trying to be patient with the cranky child that was his companion. “We’re taking the day off from getting to the Underdark because of it, calm the fuck down and stop moving so much. Movement brings up your body heat. You’re not helping yourself.”

“Everything makes you hotter though!” Odra complained, throwing her arms up in the air. “Drinking booze makes you hotter, dancing makes you hotter, the only thing that cools you down is snow, ice, or a lake! And we have none of those!”

Garl sighed and pressed his hands to his temples. The heat was giving him a headache. “Odra. Are you naked?” he asked a question he already knew an answer to.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Wick and Wax’of’Candle

The herb garden was coming along beautifully this season. Sahsi hummed softly to herself as she plucked mint, tucking them all into her bag. They’d need to be dried, of course, but once that was the case it’d be a nice tea. Oh, and who could forget the rose petals? They were a good ingredient in healing potions.

“Well, hello there… you’re Miss Sahsi, aren’t you?”

Sahsi looked up in surprise to see a fire genasi standing beside the garden. “Um, yes, hello!” Sahsi got to her feet and brushed off her skirt. “Sahsi Humble, that’s me. What can I help you with?”

“Let me introduce myself.” The genasi bowed. “I am Wick’of’Candle. Wick, for you. I couldn’t help but notice your eldercross.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- A Stolen Grave

“Hey, Garl! It’s a mini-you!”

Odra pulled faces at the small statuette. “Grrrr, I’m a big, mean, emotionally constipated gargoyle with a stupid ass name,” she teased.

Garl sighed. “Hilarious. That one looks like you. Ugly enough at least,” he said, pointing at another hideous statue.

Odra gasped in mock offense. “Bitch, I’m beautiful. There is not a sculptor skilled enough to capture my face to stone.”

“Are you two going to buy something or am I going to have to ask you to leave my store?”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Bathtime

“NO! LET ME GO! FIENDS! MURDERERS! SOMEONE HELP ME, HE’S GOING TO KILL ME!”

“Odra, it’s a fucking bath. Let go of the wall.”

Dullahan paused when he saw Odra gripping onto the front door for dear life while Garl tried to pull her free. “Won’t she melt if she’s put in water?” he asked.

“No, she showers in the rain all the time, but she’s starting to smell like week’s old garbage,” Garl grunted as he gave her another yank. “The guild master said either she takes a bath or he’s giving her the boot.”

“I’ll take the boot! I’ll take the boot! Don’t put me in the bath!” Odra shrieked.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Crowley’s Party

And today had been going so well too.

Odra was right in the middle of telling Dullahan about the time she was chasing a butterfly and accidentally went head over heels into a pit when she saw it.

Black armor. All too familiarly black armor.

Odra didn’t even remember consciously making the decision to get out of her chair, she was now suddenly across the room and launched herself at that bastard, that fucking son of a bitch who dared show his face here-

“Um. Ouch.”

It was only when Odra had sunk her teeth into the cretin’s arm that she realized this wasn’t Calipher. Nope. It was definitely his armor, she could guarantee that, but the blond twink inside that armor was not the edgelord Calipher.