fantasy comedy – The Odd Cat Lady

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Heatwaves and Zombies

“Gaaaarlll… it’s fucking hot ooouuuut…”

Garl groaned softly but made no attempt to move from his place under the tree or to even open his eyes. Odra rolled across the ground and finally came to a stop in front of the gargoyle.

“How is it so hot? It’s not even midday yet. And I’m gonna burn to death.”

“It’s a heat wave, Odra,” Garl said, trying to be patient with the cranky child that was his companion. “We’re taking the day off from getting to the Underdark because of it, calm the fuck down and stop moving so much. Movement brings up your body heat. You’re not helping yourself.”

“Everything makes you hotter though!” Odra complained, throwing her arms up in the air. “Drinking booze makes you hotter, dancing makes you hotter, the only thing that cools you down is snow, ice, or a lake! And we have none of those!”

Garl sighed and pressed his hands to his temples. The heat was giving him a headache. “Odra. Are you naked?” he asked a question he already knew an answer to.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Wick and Wax’of’Candle

The herb garden was coming along beautifully this season. Sahsi hummed softly to herself as she plucked mint, tucking them all into her bag. They’d need to be dried, of course, but once that was the case it’d be a nice tea. Oh, and who could forget the rose petals? They were a good ingredient in healing potions.

“Well, hello there… you’re Miss Sahsi, aren’t you?”

Sahsi looked up in surprise to see a fire genasi standing beside the garden. “Um, yes, hello!” Sahsi got to her feet and brushed off her skirt. “Sahsi Humble, that’s me. What can I help you with?”

“Let me introduce myself.” The genasi bowed. “I am Wick’of’Candle. Wick, for you. I couldn’t help but notice your eldercross.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- A Stolen Grave

“Hey, Garl! It’s a mini-you!”

Odra pulled faces at the small statuette. “Grrrr, I’m a big, mean, emotionally constipated gargoyle with a stupid ass name,” she teased.

Garl sighed. “Hilarious. That one looks like you. Ugly enough at least,” he said, pointing at another hideous statue.

Odra gasped in mock offense. “Bitch, I’m beautiful. There is not a sculptor skilled enough to capture my face to stone.”

“Are you two going to buy something or am I going to have to ask you to leave my store?”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Bathtime

“NO! LET ME GO! FIENDS! MURDERERS! SOMEONE HELP ME, HE’S GOING TO KILL ME!”

“Odra, it’s a fucking bath. Let go of the wall.”

Dullahan paused when he saw Odra gripping onto the front door for dear life while Garl tried to pull her free. “Won’t she melt if she’s put in water?” he asked.

“No, she showers in the rain all the time, but she’s starting to smell like week’s old garbage,” Garl grunted as he gave her another yank. “The guild master said either she takes a bath or he’s giving her the boot.”

“I’ll take the boot! I’ll take the boot! Don’t put me in the bath!” Odra shrieked.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- Crowley’s Party

And today had been going so well too.

Odra was right in the middle of telling Dullahan about the time she was chasing a butterfly and accidentally went head over heels into a pit when she saw it.

Black armor. All too familiarly black armor.

Odra didn’t even remember consciously making the decision to get out of her chair, she was now suddenly across the room and launched herself at that bastard, that fucking son of a bitch who dared show his face here-

“Um. Ouch.”

It was only when Odra had sunk her teeth into the cretin’s arm that she realized this wasn’t Calipher. Nope. It was definitely his armor, she could guarantee that, but the blond twink inside that armor was not the edgelord Calipher.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Showdown with the Black Knight

Prev.

“Calipha. So this is where you’ve ended up. How have you been?”

Calipha clenched her jaw as she lifted her mace in front of her, staring down the smarmy bastard of an aasimar smirking at her.

“Calipher. I’ve been worse. Now leave.”

“No welcome for your brother?” Calipher tutted his tongue. “Shame. Not even inviting me in for tea and-”

Calipha didn’t even look, she slammed her mace into the face of the raider trying to sneak up on her right. The man dropped to the ground with a scream, clutching onto his broken nose. Calipher cackled and tossed his head back.

“Very well then. Least you’ve learned a thing or two since we’ve last seen each other.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Origin of the Black Knight

“Garl, are you going to keep chewing on these guys until-”

“Get in my way, I’m chewing on you too, Dullahan.”

“… Well, I didn’t know I was your type… but before we begin, my safe word’s apple bread.”

Garl growled as he turned towards Dullahan, ready to rip the idiot limb from limb, but before he could Sylvia stepped between her father figure and the irate gargoyle. “That’s enough- from both of you,” she glowered at both of the men. “Odra’s not here. We’ve combed through the whole town but the only people here are dead humans. But Ficas thinks he’s picked up her trail, she tore out of west gate like a bat out of hell, but she did it under her own power. The half orc was telling the truth.”

“Good, then we can kill him now,” Garl tried to step past Sylvia but she snagged him by his shirt.

“Sahsi literally just put him back together.”

“He’s probably the one who shot her!”

“Doesn’t matter. Aunva’s on her side for this one, the half orc gets to keep breathing. For now.”

Garl growled and Sylvia responded by slapping him. It definitely hurt her more than him, judging by how she immediately shook her hand out afterwards, but it was enough to get Garl to pause.

Right. The half orc might have some more information. Once he found Odra, he’d join his friends in hell.

Garl hurried off, Sylvia watching him go before turning to Dullahan. “What’s his problem?” she asked, crossing her arms.

“Turns out he’s not completely stonehearted. Just hope he keeps his anger on the black knight and not any of us.”

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots – Battle at Dimborough

Prev.

Traveling with Aunva and her party was quite enjoyable. Even if things started off on the wrong foot by Aunva announcing she’d gotten horses for the whole party and Odra screamed in terror, Garl quickly resolved things by plopping Odra on his back and declining to take the draft horse that she’d secured for him- even an enormous steed like that would struggle to carry a pure stone gargoyle. That was fine, they’d just use his horse to carry their supplies, and by every god masked and unmasked Aunva did not know how to pack light.

It was fun traveling at first. Aunva’s men always competed with each other to see who would be lucky enough to sleep in the same tent with her, striving to always have her approval. Dullahan was a hell of a story teller, keeping them all preoccupied in the daylight hours when they had to stop since Aunva couldn’t travel then. Sylvia’s dark sense of humor had Odra laughing and Sahsi looking paler than ever.

It was a great time… until they reached their destination.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots- The Knight in Black Armor

Smoke. Smoke and blood.

Odra stumbled back in the village, spinning around and around to look for any survivors. Any at all. All she could see were corpses. Corpses of her fellow goblin defenders, but also the bodies of the elders, the farmers, the ones that just stayed home to mind the village… the ones who never hurt a fly.

Why? Why would someone do this? Odra weaved through the ruins and the death, whipping her head back and forth as she searched for her friends. “Mitemouth? Fatgut? Where are you guys!?” she called out. “Pach? Uglap? Anyone?! Clammaw?! Hello!? Come on, this isn’t funny anymore! Get out here, you all can’t be dead!”

They couldn’t be. She’d only ran away from the fight as a joke. They couldn’t be dead because of her joke.

Her pace picked up as she reached the center of the village, where some of the fires were still going. The smell of burning flesh made her eyes water but she sped up, the babies were there, if they weren’t moved away the fire would soon-

Odra skidded to a dead stop as she realized the fire was located inside of the pen.

No. They couldn’t have been that cruel.

But they’d been crueler.

The Adventures of Garl and Odra Manyboots – What’s Your Type?

Prev.

“Hey Odra!”

Oh boy. Adorable incarnate was here to bother her. Odra sighed and lowered her mug. “Sup, Sahsi. Enjoying life at the guild?” she asked.

Sahsi beamed and took a seat next to Odra. “I love it! It was a lot to get used to, but I kinda fit in here. I’ve even gone on a few jobs. Where’s Garl?”

“Fucking someone at Fit For Kings.”

That was the bonus of having Sahsi think they were friends. She was so easily flustered and it was hilarious. Her pale green cheeks was now noticeably darker. “O-oh. I. Um. That’s… nice.” Sahsi cleared her throat a few times and fanned her face. “So… is he there like. Every night?”