It was strange to wake up feeling nothing, when what you felt before being knocked unconscious was the most agony a human being could feel in their lifetime.

My eyes flickered open, blood from the gash on my forehead leaking into my eyes. My gaze focused. I could make out a spiderweb of cracked glass in front of me. The windshield.

Driving home.

Turned around for one second.

Then here I was.

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False Pregnancy

I was pregnant.

The doctor said I was, at least at first. I was so excited. So was Greg. We weren’t planning on kids, but when I skipped a period, I never felt so much joy in my life. Greg proposed on the spot when I told him. We immediately made plans for the nursery and my mother cried because she was too young to be a grandmother, but it was amazing.

Then when we went back to the doctor nearly a month later, I was lied to.

I was told I was never pregnant in the first place.

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Fairytale Wedding

My sister and I… were very different people.

I had what I call ‘giraffe proportions’, gangly, tall. Amy was average height with the whole hourglass figure. I was a social recluse, she was a social butterfly. I’m an asexual lesbian and she told me quite often during our teen years that I was a freak and could never be loved.

Then three years ago she calls me out of the blue to invite me to her wedding.

I’d moved across the country, had a decent living working as a freelance photographer and had just begun to shake off my insecurities when I got the phone call. She’d had been dating her highschool sweetheart on and off again since graduation and he finally got the balls to pop the question. After apologizing for our relationship going dead since I went to California, she offered to fly me back home and even to cover the cost of the hotel room.

I chose to bury the hatchet and asked for the dates.

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The Edge of the Universe

“All right, Karen, you all set up?”

I nodded and slipped on my headset. “I’ll be speaking to a Mr. Markus Bruno, correct?” Wife beater. Murderer. A truly amazing person, I thought sarcastically.

The coordinator, a man with not enough hair on his head, chewed his bottom lip. “Unfortunately, that will not be the case. He committed suicide about twelve hours ago. Got ahold of another inmate’s medication and took the whole bottle. You’ll be speaking with… Grant Byrd?”

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Eating Out

I love going down on women. Feel free to smirk, make jokes at my expense, but I take the utmost pleasure in knowing that while I’m down there, I’m making sure she’s having the best time of her life. Some guys seem to think it’s gross or that it ‘smells like fish’. Clearly they think their balls smell like a rose garden. Here’s a tip: they don’t.

It shouldn’t bother me as much as it does, except the guys who seem to kick up the most fuss about it are the ones who expected the girl should be completely onboard with sucking them off. I’m not even going to go into how gross that is. Girls, if you’re dating a dude like that… get the fuck out of that relationship. You can do better.

Sometimes there’s some more unexpected moments though. I mean, not every vagina is the same. They all look a bit different. And again, that’s nothing to kick a fuss up about. But there are situations like last month.

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The Deal

I’m not sure what just happened last weekend. I told the police. I know they don’t believe me. I’m not sure if I believe me.

Cory (my fiance) and I are currently long distance due to work and family issues. My dad’s in a home for people with dementia and I’m the only one who can visit him weekly, while Cory is currently involved in a project at his work three states away. Our relationship lately has been nothing but Skype dates and texts. But for Valentine’s Day we wanted to do something special, so Cory haggled for the weekend free and I booked a decent hotel. Nothing five stars, but enough for us to get some nice time alone.

He showed up Friday and we took off. After we checked in, we had a nice romp in the sheets and watched awful horror movies from his laptop. Overall, pretty great.

It was around midnight when I woke up to someone pounding on the door.

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Do the Right Thing

We had a plan. Break in while the Parker couple were at their daughter’s violin recital, take whatever we can throw in the backseat, get the fuck out before they get back. But shit hit the fan, and I was now sitting in the corner of the living room wondering what the hell to do next.

“Oh my god, can someone shut the brat up!?” Justin snapped as he paced around the room, running his hand through his bleach destroyed hair. His ski mask was clutched tightly in his other hand as he gritted his teeth.

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It was an idea from a bunch of stupid ass kids.

Dig to the center of the earth.

Everyone’s done it, but usually within a day we all forget about it, leaving a hole maybe a feet deep, something that our parents would twist their ankles in and get mad at us for later.

Not us. Not the boys of Redwood Drive.

There was about twelve of us, ranging from age five to twelve, and we wanted to dig a hole so deep we’d fall into the center of the earth. I can’t remember why we decided to do it. I think Parker read ‘Journey To The Center Of The Earth’ one too many times, or maybe that summer was just that boring. Either way, it was in the woods in my backyard where we began ‘excavation’.

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The Dance

I knew I was lost.

It was a stupid challenge, I had to spend a whole weekend off in the forest with nothing but what I could pack in a backpack. No one could go with me. And my cellphone had to remain off the whole time. So no GPS.

Now I was planning on just going ‘screw it’ and turning on my phone to get the guys to take me home. Alexa was really worried about me being on my own out here, that anything can happen once I’m alone. I told her to relax. As a kid I did a ton of camping. I knew I wouldn’t do anything stupid like leaving food in my camp or getting distracted and walking off a cliff or something.

Didn’t matter now though… since I was lost.

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Problem Child

As a social worker, you’re bound to come across some really messed up stuff. I’ve been at this job for nearly twelve years and I’ve seen everything. Joel was raised in a kennel with a dog, he was so small I thought he was two years younger than he really was. Andrea went into a doctor’s appointment only for the doc to find out the kid had contracted chlamydia. Sophia who had been tied to a bed and beaten to ‘get the devils’ out of her. Fynn had been choked for enough time by his stepdad to have permanent brain damage. 

But all of those kids have homes now. They were adopted by loving families, I send them cards on their birthdays. Joel is now a complete Potterhead and went to Florida with his mom during summer vacation. Andrea now speaks regularly at sexual abuse seminars and helps other victims come forward about what they went through. Sophia wants to be an astronaut, Fynn is beating the odds and making us all proud with all he’s accomplishing.

I can’t say the same for Bonnie.  

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